“Wherever you are, be all there.” ~Jim Elliot
The metal bleacher felt cool on my hot back. My closed eyelids could still discern when the sun hid behind a cloud and when he came out to play again. When my eyes opened, they saw that the backdrop for this game was a robin’s-egg sky. I turned my head to say something to Kristen, and we both laughed. Our entire PE class was resting on the bleachers after having completed a long run. It was early June, and I was about to turn 15.
And after that moment or two of chatting with my friend, the bleachers still beckoned us to rest… we had nothing to do urgently, nowhere to be. The clouds still hung in the sky. Big, puffy, white clouds, the kind that look like they would be soft in your hand if you could just reach out and grab them. The sun was still warm on my face. And I remember thinking: “I don’t remember doing this… Ever.”
You see, even at 15, the hustle and bustle of life, the pressure to perform, had taken over. Even at 15 the how-tos and to-dos were overwhelming. Even at 15, there was too much to do, too much to be, and no time left… for noticing.
I’ve always been a Noticer, but I didn’t know what to call it, and I didn’t really give myself permission to do it until I started reading Rachel Macy Stafford (Hands Free Mama). Rachel, a special education teacher and a writer, affectionately created the term when she was told her daughter was “easily distracted in large groups”. The word was coined by a loving mother to give a defense to a daughter in a too-busy world, but I wonder if she knew just how many hearts that defense would cover. I wonder if she knew just how many children and adults there are in this world who are made to feel like their gift is a burden.
When I read about how Rachel stood up for her daughter, that 15 year-old girl doesn’t feel too far off. A girl who was tired of hearing the words, you’re too sensitive. {You, too, friend?} A girl who knew what it meant to absorb the feelings of others, and not know what to do about it.
But now that I’m 33, I know that God made us all different on purpose and for a purpose.
I can see how His love has held hands with the Noticing gift He gave, and woven Hope through the cracks of my story.
I know now that the ability to notice is what made me sensitive to the teenage girls I used to mentor.
I know now that the noticing voice inside is the one that said, “He’s not going to last 15 more minutes,” when the insurance company wanted to transfer my declining patient. Something in me whispered, he won’t make it through that ambulance ride. It took some heated arguing with two MDs and a paramedic but that patient stayed in the ER, and instead of dying in the rig, he died right there in that bed with ten or fifteen family members talking to him, sharing memories, and holding his hands.
I know now that Noticing is what can make me a present and happy mama. A mama to three special children, all active, all creative, all ours, but so very different from each other. I know that noticing their gifts is my gift.
I know that Noticing just might save our summer.
You see, everywhere I look these days, I see Summer-Activity Must-do lists … all well and good and wonderful. No protesting here. We’ve got our own Summer Fun List on the fridge. Visit lighthouses, go fishing, go hiking, my seven year-old has written. Everything in me wants to deliver on those promises… and we’ll certainly do our best. Goals and activities, trying new things and making special memories, are what this season is for, after all.
But. When I look around at other mother’s plans for the summer, Less-Than tries to creep in again. When I see images and hear stories, You-Should knocks on the door of my heart. When I think of all the hundreds of things I should be adding to our Summer Fun List, my heart starts thumping and I’m 15 again, rushed too quickly off a high school bleacher on a hot summer day.
And I’m inspired, not only by Rachel, but by her now-tween daughter Avery, who created “how to be a Noticer” journals for her parents. This young girl hasn’t only learned how to integrate Noticing into her own daily life, she’s been inspired to teach others how to do it. She’s inspired me to actively plan how Noticing can define my summer.
I want to Notice when my little people need time with their friends and when they need a mommy date.
I want to Notice and remember the way they talk when they’re playing together.
I want to notice a butterfly — maybe even before my kids do, and be the one to point it out to them.
I want to Notice the way she sings. She sings when she’s coloring and she sings when she’s helping me with chores. She sings when she’s just walking around the house. I want to Notice and commit her lilting little voice to a special place in my memory.
I want to Notice and memorize the way my son’s little arms feel when they’re wrapped around my neck.
I want to Notice the tiny little white flowers on the bouquet of clovers she brings me. I want to Notice how soft her cheek feels when it’s pressed against mine.
I want to Notice when my husband needs a break from the busyness of home life and when he needs some quiet time with me. I want to notice the way his sky-blue eyes crinkle up when he laughs.
I want to Notice when we all need some nature therapy and when we need a trip to someplace cool.
I’m starting to believe that the key to not letting summer pass us by… is to have a Noticing summer.
But maybe Noticing is more than that. Maybe Noticing isn’t just a happiness key. Maybe it’s a lifesaving key too.
You see, now that summer is here and the warm weather with it, the ER Nurse in me can’t help thinking… well, like an ER Nurse. So bear with me while I share a few stats with you.
In 2016, 39 children died of heatstroke after being left in a hot car. The average yearly number of pediatric deaths caused by vehicular heatstroke, since 1998, is 37. 37 loved lives lost each year.
From 2005-2014, there were an average of about ten deaths per day caused by drowning. Of those ten deaths, about two were children. That averages out to over 700 pediatric drowning deaths per year. Drowning is the fifth leading cause of unintentional, injury-related death in the United States.
They say this type of tragedy can happen to anyone. It has happened to so many different families. {If you or someone you know has experienced this kind of heartbreak, I have no words other than I am so, so sorry.}
But maybe, just maybe, Noticing can give hope to these tragedies. Maybe Noticing can help prevent.
If we can just slow down enough to notice where we are, to notice where our people are, to remember what we are doing and with whom.
You see, a Noticing summer isn’t just a happy summer… it could be a lifesaving summer. And I wonder why, when I went to type “noticer” in my Word document, it was flagged by my spell check.
This shouldn’t be.
It’s a peacegiving, fulfilling, lifesaving key.
Not an unknown, unwanted, bother to society.
Will you embrace it with me, friend?
I don’t want to miss this season. I don’t want to miss the little boy who clung on to me last summer and who is now clinging to tricycles and swing sets. His little legs run as fast as they can, far away from me, through the park. He wears a train-conductor ball cap and he pulls the bill down low. He has to look down while he’s running, but he looks up when he sees me. Looks up and pulls the bill of his hat out of his eyes, and with joy he says, “I see you, Mama.”
I see you, Mama.
Let’s pull our bills out of our eyes this summer, mamas. Let’s be Noticers. Let’s give our families the gift that’s sometimes hardest to give, because there’s no getting it back: the gift of self. Let’s tell them, with all my heart and soul, I see you. You are my gift and I see you.
*How do you plan to be a Noticer this summer? To enjoy your loved ones? I would love to see your comments and ideas below.
*Will you join me in a little safety reminder as summer is quick upon us? Feel free to share this post or grab the statistics from the links I shared above. Kidsandcars.org has graphics you can share (like the one I posted) to remind yourself and your friends to “look before you lock”. They also offer grief support for families who have suffered.
Thank you for being here, friends.
In His Love,
Laura Jane