Time-Ins {A Sibling Rivalry Solution}

“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens” (Ecc. 3:1).

There is a time for chores and a time to just snuggle together.

There is a time for to-do lists and a time to leave the dishes in the sink and head to the park.

There is a time to teach, counsel, mentor, model.  And there is a time to just listen.  With open hands and an open heart.

There is a time for time-outs, and a time for time-ins.

 

Have you ever gone through a day ruled by sibling rivalries or a week when your children seem to keep falling apart?

In a world where time-outs are the go-to discipline standard, the “time-in” is like a breath of fresh air.

 

It first happened out of desperation, that cold January day when the then-3- and 5 year-old kept bickering.  My husband and I separated them out of sheer necessity, each taking one to a different room for some quiet time.  I read to my older child, while my husband built blocks with the younger.  Ten minutes was all it took.  Ten minutes of one-on-one time, and their anxieties lifted off, their hearts were filled, they were ready to play again.

Now, when we have an off-day or a week with high emotions, our “go-to” tactic is almost always a time-in.  Last week, my husband surprised us with a trip to the beach.  The snippets of alone time we got with each child, in that special place where the water meets the sand meets the sky, were like little slices of heaven.

But since oceanfront properties aren’t a daily reality for most of us (travesty!) we’ve found many simple ways to get creative and get one-on-one.  We’ll make some special time in our schedule for the child who seems to need a little extra attention.  One parent will take her out for a chocolate milk date, or to the library to pick out new books, or just for a walk around the block.  As one wise friend told us, “When you get them alone, it’s like you have a totally different kid.”  Different in a good way – as in, the conversation gets a little deeper, the connection a little more real, when the hustle and bustle slows down, when siblings don’t have to fight with each other for our attention.

And there’s time to leave behind the worries and the messes

Time to shut out the noise of the world

Time to hold a child on a swing, and listen to the birds sing.

When it comes to our children’s behavior, we will reap what we sow, we will live what we grow. 

That is not a formula and it’s not a guarantee… there will always be some days when our people are just hungry, tired, stressed or otherwise struggling.  But it is a helpful “big picture” to keep in mind.

When it comes to our kids, we get what we give.

No, we won’t give perfectly.  After all, we mamas are human, too.  But we can remember

To stop

To take a deep breath

To ask, “what does my child need right now?”

To sit on the couch with the two children who’ve been fighting and, instead of lecturing, ask them to pick out a book to read.

 

What are some ways you plan to slow down this summer?  To have special time with your family?

If you’re looking for ways to get creative as a family, I highly recommend reading Sally Clarkson’s blog.  She has so many wonderful ideas about how to connect, how to get closer to your family.  Ideas that are not overwhelming… they’re simply “Lifegiving,” as she says.

I struggle with patience every day.  {Do you, too, mama?}  But when my tiredness bumps into their needs, I’m learning to cling to the One who took time out for me.  He took time out for us.  He took time out for you.

Let’s cling to Him, together, in this mothering thing.

~Laura