Marriage

“Mama, I think when you say something good, the sun gets happy and rises.”

My kids have been known to say some pretty profound stuff.  But this one took my breath away.

I was lost in thought while my six year-old was coloring.  My artistic girl, the one who draws and leaves cards and notes around the house, with messages like “I love you daddy” lovingly inscribed.  She was hard at work, and my mind had drifted off to all the troubles in this world… you don’t have to look too far to see the evidence.  Looked out the window at a beautiful cloudy Northwest day, and wished…

Wished I could give them a better world.  Wished I could keep them safe.

Yes, I admit that I let my mind wander a little… but when she said, “Mommy, look at what I colored!” I dragged my brain back to the chair we were sharing, the one in the upstairs room, the one where we were waiting by the window, watching the clouds, hoping for a patch of blue.  Took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a beat to concentrate better, then looked at her picture.  Said something encouraging but simple, like, “I really like that.  I can see you worked hard on it.  You really enjoy drawing, don’t you?” with a hug and a kiss, of course.

The words fell out of my mouth at exactly the same moment as the sun peeked out of its hiding place and shined its warmth on us.  I know it sounds surreal… it felt that way too.  But I kid you not, the words fell on her ears precisely as the sun’s warmth fell on our skin.  So it’s no surprise that she linked the two events together.

She took in my words, and she absorbed the sun’s warmth, and she said it… “Mama, I think when you say something good, the sun gets happy and rises.”

The sun gets happy and rises.

And I couldn’t breathe for a moment.

Obviously my words can’t move the sun.

But isn’t that what it must be like in their little worlds?  Do you remember being a child and waiting for, hungry for, feeding off of, words of encouragement from the adults and caregivers in your life?

It’s been said, by someone far wiser than I, that the words we speak to our children become their inner voice.

On my fridge has hung the verse, for many years, and many more may it hang: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Prov. 18:21).  This verse doesn’t hold space in my kitchen as a guilt-trip; not as a sobering reminder; but as a fight-song, as a determination to remember… just because I’m with them all day long, just because they hear me every day, doesn’t make my words less meaningful.  Maybe it makes them more meaningful.

And my little girl found it… my four year-old, for whom words are also so special… she found the little note I had written who knows how many Valentine’s Days ago.  The one that simply says “You Are Special” on a purple heart-shaped note.  She found it, and she tucked it in an old sock for safe-keeping, and she carried it around with her for three whole days.  It is still safe and treasured now.  And when she had to put it down for a moment, she would hand it to me for safe-keeping, and since it is heart-shaped, she would say, “Hold my heart, mama.”

Hold my heart, mama.

Isn’t that what we’re doing?  As they look up at us with trusting eyes… as we lead them by their little hands… don’t we hold their hearts?

Tonight I couldn’t go to sleep without writing little notes of love to my little loves.  It’s something I haven’t done often enough… but it’s a small thing that can give them a big smile.

So this week I’m going to challenge myself to do a little more when it comes to giving loving words to the ones who mean the most.  This week, in addition to being mindful of my spoken words, I will be intentional in doing these three things:

~ I will write little love notes to my kiddos and leave them around the house.  It could be as simple as “I think you’re great” on a sticky note.  Writer/teacher Rachel Stafford has some great ideas on her blog: http://www.handsfreemama.com/?s=index+card (not sponsored, just sharing her helpful insight).

~I will write a thoughtful card of encouragement to the man who takes care of us, the man who loves us every day.  The longer I’m married, the more I learn that our men don’t just need our nurturing, our serving… they need our words of affirmation, too.

~I will stop the negative self-talk.  Because if we’re hard on ourselves, we’ll be hard on our loved ones too.  Our brains just aren’t that good at compartmentalizing.

Will you join in?  Will you choose to be extra-intentional in giving loving words this week, with me?

That doesn’t mean that if we’ve said harsh words, we’ve ruined our chances forever… our God is a God of second chances, after all.  And it’s never too late to start again.

And no, we can’t know that even if we parents speak all the right words, all the time, everything will turn out all right for our children.

No, we can’t take away all the problems, the hurt, in this world.

No, our words likely won’t affect the state of the union.

But there’s no telling what a legacy of love can do…

If we will speak words of life to the ones in our care.  Words that lift, that build up, that empower.

And the sun will get happy and rise.

 

 

Laura Jane