Marriage

Hold.

 Laugh.

 Value.

 Talk.

Gentle.

These were the words the Lord whispered to my heart when it begged Him quietly, “Could You give me just One Word for each family member, God?  Just One Word that would be the thing that matters most to them?  The best way I can show them love?”

It came at the end of one of Those Days.  You know… the ones where the list of needs is as long as the pile of laundry is tall.  The ones where it feels like “mother” might be another word for “dog chasing its tail.”

In a sea of a thousand things to do, I felt Him stop me.  It was almost as if He put His hand on my shoulder.  And whispered, “One Word.”

Could You?

Little Girl’s Word is Hold.  It means that when she asks, “Play castles with me, Mommy?” I can hold my breath and hold this moment sacred in my heart, because it’s special to her… I can tell the layers of dust on the floor to just hold on and I can hold space for a few moments of doll-playing.  And, of course, sometimes it means she quite simply needs to be held.  She won’t need me like this for long, after all.

Big Girl’s Word is Laugh.  It means that in the midst of our school day, in the midst of coaching her through math and grammar and Spanish lessons, I can stop with her to giggle at any and everything.  It means I can lose my serious teacher-voice and talk in ridiculous accents instead, just to make her laugh.  And her Big-Girl worries just might feel lighter, her Big-Girl heart just might melt a little.  It means that being silly with her matters.  Laughter bonds us together, it brightens our days.

Little Brother’s Word is Value.  It means that I can finally hear him when he says, “I’m not playing, Mommy,” in his very serious three year-old voice.  No, of course not… that pile of cars and the track they’re on are his work.  It means that when the cars are placed precisely on my bed, lined up just so, I can think value.  For whatever reason, his growing-boyness needs to hear me say, “Thank you,” and “Nice work, Jo-Jo!”  I wouldn’t have guessed it… but valuing his work is one thing he really needs from me right now.

And the Man… the one that I promised myself to… his Word is Talk.  It means I can tell the kids to wait five minutes so he and I can finish a conversation.  It means I can sit down to email him the week’s schedule even though I’m so tired, so busy, so whatever.  It means I can stay up a little later than I’d like to on a Wednesday night so we can iron out a misunderstanding.  So we can pray.  So we can talk.

And my Word?  (Yes, mommies can have a word too.)  It’s Gentle.  It means that if my family asks me, “what do you need?” and I’m too tired to think, I can answer with one word.  If I say, “Mama likes Gentle,” enough times, maybe one day… the pulling of my hair might stop?  Or the voices might ask politely when they need something?  Or the Thinking-Mommy’s-a-Jungle-Gym when we’re trying to read aloud together might start to slow down?  (Right?  Right?)

One Word doesn’t mean that’s all they’ll ever need.  Of course there are many things my family needs throughout the day.

One Word is like a compass pointing North, guiding me back to what this child, this person really needs to feel loved, right in the middle of all those other-things-to-do.

One Word doesn’t mean I expect myself to do it perfectly, at every opportunity.

But if I forget which way is North…if I miss an opportunity… One Word pulls me back like the magnet on a compass.  And as it pulls me back to showing love, it just might pull me closer to Jesus, too… like choosing love always tends to do (because I can’t make that choice and mean it, without Him).

One Word doesn’t put my child (or my husband) in a Box.  I recognize that each person’s Word might change over the years… or even weeks.

But One Word does help me get to know this child’s personality, her needs, his heart, for now.

One Word doesn’t add to my list of things to do.  It actually takes away from that urgent must-do burdensome feeling, as it gives me permission to forget about everything else, even if only for a little while.

One Word simplifies.  It lightens my worries and gives me confidence about this whole Mothering thing.  Because in the rhythm and the mess of our days and weeks… whether we’re hopping in the car for swim lessons, or stuffing snacks in backpacks for another busy day, or stuck at home with tummyaches… I might not be able to remember all the advice I’ve read in all the parenting books, Ever.  But I can remember One Word.

Now if I can just remember that “His divine power has given us everything needed for life and godliness…” (2 Peter 1:3, NRSV).  Yes, on the busy backpack days, on the tantrums-and-tears days, and on every day in between… He gives us everything we need. 

Clinging to Him together,

 

Laura